As the sun sets on Christmas Eve of 2009, you can probably tell from the picture above that it’s windy and kinda cloudy. It’s also getting cool as night falls, though if you can tell –that- from the picture, you’re really impressive. But even so, ask me if I care. Nope. Not even one iota.
I don’t care that it’s supposed to rain tomorrow. I don’t care that the wind is blustery. I don’t care that there are no lights, decorations, stocking, or a tree in this hotel room. I don’t care that Santa came several days ago, and that tomorrow, there are just a few little tidbits that I bought this afternoon on a solo excursion to surprise the kids. I don’t care that there is still residual guilt slipping into some conversations with my mom. I don’t care what Golden Boy thinks of me not showing up on Saturday. I don’t care that I will not be in my own bed or house on Christmas morning. I don’t care that I’m sharing less than 750sq feet with four other people. I don’t care about any of it.
What then, you may ask, do I care about? Well, I’ll be happy to tell you.
On this Christmas Eve, I care that the Scientist and I seem to have at least settled into some semblance of our old friendship. We’ve still got a lot of work to do, but the commitment to at least stay together to finish raising the kids was a good starting point. It gives a base to at least find some stability.
I care that the Professor is more at peace with her choices and decision regarding her future. She is starting to learn that her way of seeing the world, and her way of addressing that world is valid and good. She doesn’t need to be what everyone else thinks is best in order for it to be best for her.
I care the Artist is gaining some confidence in her own self, and finding peace in being that person she’s found inside. Her personality is dynamic and creative, and she is finally seeing those as positives. When she takes over the world, the world will be ecstatic to have it happen.
I care that the Ambassador is finding his way and gaining insight into what it is that he wants to do. The discovery process can be a source of joy or a source of stress, and I’m thrilled that it’s a joy for him. He will be really happy walking the path he’s chosen, and I love that.
I care that I’m starting to figure out some of the stress-point origins of my illness this fall, and what to do to fix it. It will not be easy, but it’ll be necessary, and it’ll be a good thing later.
I care that I have been so, so blessed with some new people in my life this year. My life is enriched by their presence, and having their friendship makes me wonder how I ever got by without them.
I care that the people I’ve trusted in the past, the people I love with all my heart, are still here with me. Knowing that there are those who truly have my back, even when it’s not easy to do so, makes all the difference.
I care that there are some traditions that we’ve created as a family for Christmas that are still being followed, despite our decision to head to the beach. We will still watch A Christmas Story tonight, we had cinnamon rolls when Santa came (and orange rolls tomorrow morning), we had white chili for dinner the day Santa came, we opened gifts one by one so that everyone could see what emerged from the wrapping.
I care that above all, I am spending this day with people who truly love me, and whom I truly love. Even if they are far away, the wonders of technology allows me to still be close, and for that, I am grateful.
Merry Christmas.






