No, no, not in the usual ways that make you go, “Freakin’ DUH, Mick…next?”  This is something that has made me a little self-conscious over the years, and I guess after reading another blog post that I hit, almost by mistake, I figured I’d confess.  Now, let me say up front that I am not in any way saying even one negative word about this mom.  She seems like a great mom, and my own brokenness does not in any way reflect on her, or any other mom that has sparked these feelings in me.  Here blog post was merely the catalyst for my own ramblings today.  It can be found here. Please take a sec to read, or even skim, her post, if only because my own post will make a lot more sense.

This mom, along with so many others, got a bit teary at hitting another childhood milestone.  Everything from first steps to kindergarten graduations, to hitting double digit birthdays can elicit that wistful smile, those brimming eyes, and the little sniffles that show a mom who watches her baby achieve the next step in her growth.  It’s a very natural, normal thing for mothers, and moms across the world will nod in empathy even if they don’t know the other woman.

So what’s the problem?

I don’t do it.  My kids’ first tooth, first word, first steps, didn’t elicit a single tear.  Their first days of school didn’t find me reaching for the tissues.  I did not sniffle on my friend’s shoulder when they entered high school.  None of it.  I’m not sure what it is.  I’m not a cold-hearted person by nature; I feel emotion, and I show it.  But for whatever reason, the milestones of my children’s lives do not make me sad.

In the past, I’ve said that I never wanted kids.  This was true.  But once I made the decision to do so, not only did I discover that I was pretty good at it, but that it was also kind of a cool process.  I’ve watched in awe as the stories and adventures of their lives have been written on their “Tabula rasa.” I’ve felt fascination as I watched their own personalities emerge, seen their personalities develop and blossom.  It’s been so cool for me to see or hear that they were commended for their manners or their helpfulness and know that I taught them that.  I’ve instilled a respect for the earth, a love of diversity, and a passion for the exploration and education that comes with traveling our world.

But never did I find myself misty-eyed over any of it.  Excited?  Yes.  Proud?  Definitely.  Anticipating what comes next?  Absolutely!  But not wistful.

As they near their adulthood and move out into the world on their own, I know my life will change right along with theirs, just as it’s always been.  I’ll greet those changes with the joy, laughter, and amazement that has come with each passing day of their lives, but for whatever reason, I don’t see myself crying for the past.