I’m not sure what I was smoking when I thought that July would be a mellow month for me. What a dumbass move that was.
Work went ballistic, with our deadline getting not only jacked but then exacerbated by various people going on vacation. Excellent. I’m kinda mostly dealing with that.
Had a family situation that really rocked our world, but I can’t discuss it here due to some privacy concerns involving other people. Suffice it to say that our family’s world kinda slipped off its axis temporarily. It’s resetting, as I knew it would, but it will take some time before it’s completely back where it needs to be.
But the worst part really came out of left field. My mom was working on getting her spinal surgery scheduled. Doing my share of helping out with recovery was not a problem; I don’t mind at all, and I can work my schedule pretty easily. The mess in her vertebrae turned out to be worse than we all thought, so she had to see a new super-specialist. OK, fine. Super specialist sees her and sets a new date, but it’s considerably later than the original date, and she is in some serious pain. As my worry increased (along with my sister’s), Mom’s pain level and depression did too.
Then Mom’s regular doctor called with her CT scan results. 2 more nodules on her right lung, and they “don’t look good.” Shit. So for certainty’s sake, a needle biopsy would be done, but everyone pretty well knows that the C word has crashed into our worlds once again. Mom’s doc wanted the biopsy done right away, but Mom was in too much pain. She needed that spinal stuff done first, and while we weren’t ecstatic, we did understand. But an appointment with a pulmonologist was put on the docket anyhow, and we figured we would go from there.
Of course, it wasn’t destined to go smoothly. The pulmonologist took one look at the CT and scrapped the idea of a needle biopsy completely. He is apparently concerned enough that he feels the nodules needs to be excised entirely. And the date scheduled? The exact same day as the spinal surgery. And the neurosurgeon? Will not touch her until the biopsy is done, and if it is cancer, as we all basically know it is, he won’t do the surgery at all.
Um. Excuse me? My mother is in excruciating pain, having issues with numbness and balance, and then after having to deal with chemo, you’re going to deny her the healing surgery she needs? You have got to be shitting me. I am stunned, pissed off, and just beyond frustrated.
And really, I am emotionally just kinda done.
I really hadn’t planned on ever seeing this view again:
Duke University Chapel, as seen from the cancer wing at the hospital.
Confessions of a Lousy Mom 